by Robert Giles (Gazette Reporter)

Written by Harley Peyton & Robert Engels
Directed by Duwayne Dunham

Miss Jones, Eckhart’s assistant slinks across Harry’s body, showering him with kisses and caresses while he lies intoxicated in a bed at the Bookhouse. She removes a small bottle of perfume for her garter, likely a fragrance Josie used to wear. She places some of the perfume of Harry’s lips and hers and starts to kiss him again. The perfume intoxicates him in a different fashion and he starts to hallucinate about Josie, thinking she is in the room with him. Harry is about to fall completely under the spell, when a crisp, clear sound breaks through. He hears a wire being pulled from Jones’ watchband and she tries to strangle him. Harry manages to get a thumb under the wire and a struggle ensues. Harry eventually overpowers her and knocks her unconscious, extremely puzzled to find he just knocked out a woman he doesn’t recognize.

Audrey goes to see Jack Wheeler in his room at the Great Northern. She slyly comments how they take the concept of room service very seriously. Wheeler smiles at this and asks her if she remembers her grandfather. He says he was a very wise man and he once said, “If you’re gonna bring a hammer, better bring nails.”, suggesting to Audrey if she’s going to carry on like that she better be prepared to finish what she starts. Wheeler asks her to join him for a flight at sunset and dinner for two. Upon leaving, she tells him if he brings a hammer he better bring some nails too.

At the sheriff’s station:

Harry tells Cooper that Jones wants to speak to the South African consulate and asks Cooper why Eckhart would want him dead to which Cooper replies, “Sexual jealousy.”

Cooper: Good to have you back, Harry.
Truman: It’ll take me a day or so to get my sea legs.
Cooper: Well, to be honest, it looks like you went down with the ship. Why don’t you go home and recuperate.
Truman: No, all I need is some coffee, maybe a little food.
Cooper: Surefire cure for a hangover, Harry. You take a glass of nearly frozen unstrained tomato juice, you plop a couple of oysters in there and drink it down, Breathe deeply. Next you take a mound, and I mean a mound of sweetbreads. Saute ’em with some chestnuts and Canadian bacon. Finally, biscuits, big biscuits smothered in gravy. Now this is where it gets tricky, you’re gonna needs some anchovies…(Harry rushes to the restroom)…That oughta do it.

In Harry’s office: Doc Hayward is waiting for him. Cooper is waiting as well, armed with a glass of bicarnbonate of soda, which he hands to Harry when he enters the room. There is a bonsai tree on Harry’s desk. It was supposedly sent by Josie and it arrived that morning, but it was actually sent by Windom Earle and the tree is bugged. Doc tells Harry that Windom Earle was at his house and left the chess piece (KN to KB3) which he hands to Harry. Cooper tells them they’ll publish their next response today.
Gordon Cole then arrives to the office, bringing the classified portion of Windom Earle’s dossier for Cooper.

Cole: When Earle went boing-oing-oing, the doctors discovered he was on Haliperidol.
Hayward: The same drug, the one-armed man Gerard was on.
Cole: What’s that?
Cooper: Gerard used the same drug.
Cole: You got it, but they figured he was using the drug to fake his illness just as you suspected, Coop. Definite schizoid maneuvering.
Cooper: Project Bluebook. MY God, Gordon. What was he doing on this?
Cole: The Bureau loaned Earle out to the Air Force in 1965. Reports on his two-year hitch are blacked out, national security.
Harry: Wait a minute. Earle was investigating UFOs?
Cooper: Major Briggs, Harry. Gordon, there are some curious linkages here.
Cole: The word “linkage” reminds me of sausage. Never cared for the links, preferred the patties, but breakfast is a real good idea.

They get ready to leave with Harry showing that Cole is greatly irritating his hangover with his loud speech patterns. Cole tells Cooper that “with Earle running around loose on the deck, we need you back on the team.” and reinstates him into the FBI, handing him his badge and a new weapon. Cole seems confident that they will eventually capture Windom Earle and they head out for the Double R.

At Windom’s cabin, Earle has been listening to everything Cole and Cooper had been discussing. Earle is very upset at Cooper “continually refusing to play fair.” He shuffles a deck of cards and holding them face down, asks Leo to pick three cards. When Leo picks them, he turns them face up to reveal “Queen Donna, Queen Audrey and Queen Shelley. Now, see if you can find the King.” The King turns out to be Agent Cooper. Windom says they still need the Queen of Hearts and pulls it from behind Leo’s ear. He looks at the flier for Miss Twin Peaks, “Now, what do you get if you win? A dozen roses, a scholarship to the college of your choice, the accolades of your peers…Yes, I know, you get to die…a royal execution…and Cooper gets to watch.” Miss Twin Peaks will be the Queen of Hearts.

Donna follows her mother to the Great Northern, where she is going to meet Ben secretly. Donna sees them go toward his office as she approaches the front desk. She asks to see Audrey while Mike & Nadine are checking out after an evening of sexual gymnastics. They leave and Audrey comes to the counter; Donna asks if Audrey knows why her mother would be coming here to see her dad. Audrey figures it has something to do with the Stop Ghostwoods movement, but Donna says her mother would have mentioned it if she was involved with it. Audrey asks, “Are they in their now?”

In the office, Eileen has a stack of letters she is trying to return to Ben; letters she has had for 20 years. Eileen tells Ben what he’s doing will only rip open old wounds. Ben says he’s been wrong all these years and is trying to make up for it. He continues, saying Eileen should have been the best thing that ever happened to him. He desires to go back to the way it was and his emotions get the best of him. He aplogizes for his behavior. By this time, Audrey and Donna reach Audrey secret hiding place and all they hear is
Ben: Have you told her?
Eileen: God, no, never…I never will. You mustn’t come over again. You must stay away from her.
Ben: I understand
Eileen: I hope you do. (then Eileen leaves)
Audrey: What the hell was that all about?
Donna: I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.

At the Double R:
Cooper, Harry and Gordon arrive at the diner. Gordon is giving Harry his advice on hangover cures. It’s “raw meat and lots of it. You break an egg on it, add in some salted anchovies, tabasco and wortischeir sauce. If you want we can order some up for you.” Harry rushes off to the restroom yet again. Gordon and Cooper take a seat at one of the booths. Gordon notices Shelley behind the counter and is struck by her beauty, asking Cooper who she is. He excuses himself to walk up to the counter to try an endear himself to the attractive waitress.
Gordon: Hello, I was wondering if I might trouble you for a cup of strong, black coffee and in the process engage you with an anecdote of no small amusement. The name is Gordon Cole and I couldn’t help but notice you from the booth and, well, seeing your beauty now I feel as if my stomach is filled with a team of bumblebees.
Shelley looks at Cooper confused, but he gives her the a-okay sign to convey that Gordon is on the up-and-up. She tells Gordon he doesn’t have to shout she can hear him just fine. It turns out that Gordon can hear her perfectly well and is dumbstruck by the phenomenon. “For 20 years I have been asking people to please speak up for some weird reason I can hear you clear as a bell.”
Harry joins Cooper at the booth and Annie comes to pour them some coffee. Harry asks Annie what she recommends for a hangover and she suggests “Teetotalling and prayer.”. Harry smiles and says he’ll try some coffee. Cooper and Annie exchange greetings and get to know each other a little better, with Harry watching them and giving knowing glances at Cooper. Cooper tries to tell her a joke but she is called to the counter by Shelley. Harry asks, “How long you been in love with her?” to which Cooper replies, “Harry, who said anything about love?”, “Coop,” Harry continues, “You just tried to tell her a joke.” Harry seems very pleased to see Cooper touched by a woman like this, seeing a side of Cooper he hasn’t seen before. She returns and Cooper finishes his joke. Annie comments “I see you’ve been to Owl Cave.” looking at a doodle on Cooper’s napkin. Harry asks to see it and says it looks exactly like an etching at Owl Cave. What Cooper did was combine The Log Lady’s tattoo and the Major’s into one design. Cooper tells Harry he has to see this Owl Cave.

Donna gets a postcard from James. The postcard is from San Francisco and he is heading for Mexico. Doc comes home and asks if the postcard is from James and reassures Donna that he’ll be back one day. Donna asks him how Eileen knows Ben Horne. Doc answers he doubts if he knows her very well. She tells Doc about Ben’s surprise visit and that they were talking like old friends, then she went over to the Great Northern to see him today. Doc starts to get concerned and tries to convince Donna it had something to do with a fundraiser. The doorbell rings, it’s flowers for Eileen. Donna says she’ll put the flowers in water while Doc looks worried about what might become of this.

Audrey goes to the library, studying civil disobedience. She runs into Windom Earle, posing as Edward Perkins; a teacher he proclaims whose expertise is poetry, when she asks him. She tells him about the poem she was sent and thinks he might know who wrote it. Looking it over, he asks Audrey to read it aloud, then announces the poem was written by Percy Shelley. He tells Audrey she looked like a Queen while reading it, starting to lose his cover a bit. This creeps Audrey out and she excuses herself.

Back at the Double R:
Shelley sees Annie looking at a flier for Miss Twin Peaks and asks if she’s thinking about entering. Annie says she doesn’t think that’s the best way to familarize herself with society again. She and Shelley talk about life in the convent and get to know each other. Annie asks Shelley what she knows about Cooper and Shelley asks if she’s interested romantically. Annie says she has it all wrong and she’s not even remotely interested, but Shelley knows better.

At the station, Andy practices using his outdoor gear by climbing from ceiling to floor in the lobby. Lucy thanks him for helping out during the weasel riot when the Stop Ghostwoods benefit went haywire. She asks Andy to promise her he’ll be careful when he goes to Owl Cave.
Cooper goes into Harry’s office, who is making a move on the chess board. Pete just called his next move in. Cooper asks if he’s ready to go to Owl Cave. Harry wonders if Gordon’s up for the outing, but Cooper says that Shelley’s taking him to Doc Hayward to look into his hearing loss.

Ben has a heart to heart with Audrey, drawing an analogy between how Robert Kennedy helped JFK through the Bay of Pigs and Cuban Missle Crisis with what Ben is looking for in a right-hand man. Audrey asks if this is how Jerry has helped him. Ben tells her that he is looking for the “unvarnished truth” and thinks she’s the right person for the job. Ben also states he realized he hasn’t been a very good father but is determined to be a better person, a father that she can respect someday. After Audrey agrees to be his right-hand man, Ben tells her to pack her bags because she about to head to Seattle. At this moment, Wheeler comes in and Ben explains to him where Audrey is going and that they’re going national with the save the pine weasel movement. Both Audrey and Wheeler are disappointed because this will cancel the dinner plans they had made earlier. Audrey leaves and Ben and Wheeler take a seat on the sofa. Ben admits to Wheeler that at the end of the day he really doesn’t know how to be good although he feels much better about himself. He asks Wheeler what’s the secret of goodness. Wheeler says, “Keep your eye on your heart and always tell the truth, but tell the hardest truth first.” Wheeler tells Ben that he’s falling in love with Audrey and Ben thinks it’s an example of a “hard truth”, but Wheeler corrects him and tells him it is the truth. Ben doesn’t seem upset by it and hands Wheeler a celery stalk saying, “What a wonderful world we live in.”

Andy, Cooper, Hawk and Truman are exploring the dark innards of Owl Cave. Hawk leads them to the spot with the etching that Harry and Annie recognized. Investigating it, Cooper says, “Two symbols combined into a larger whole, but for what purpose?…The tattoos are the question, this must be the answer.” An owl dive bombs the group and flies over them repeatedly. Andy takes a swipe at the owl with his pick ax. He misses the owl, but the pick ax gets stuck in another symbol involving fire on the stony surface. A diamond shaped piece of rock falls away, exposing part of a larger pertoglyph, hidden behind a wall of rock. Jutting from the hole is a wooden shaft with a symbol on the end of it. Cooper says, “Coincidence and fate figure largely in our lives…Harry, I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.”

Annie goes to the Great Northern and is having a drink in the lounge, seated at the bar. Cooper is dictating to Diane about Owl Cave, but seeing Annie he decides to procrastinate and seize this opportunity. He offers to buy her a drink, but sees she already has one. Cooper finds her view of the world very endearing, because of her time in the convent, everything around her is a fresh experience. They both have things in their past they would like to go back and do differently and Cooper offers to help her adjust to life on the outside. She admits she has failed before, when Cooper notices a scar on her wrists, and she’s afraid it might happen again. Annie isn’t ready to talk about it yet, but accepts Cooper’s offer of help and says she might not do what he expects and that she’s stubborn, but Cooper insists he doesn’t expect anything, conveying a sincere desire to help as only he can do.

Windom Earle is conducting his own exploration of Owl Cave. When he arrives at the place Cooper and the men were at earlier, he finds the diamond shaped hole in the rock and the wooden shaft coming out from it. Using his flashlight, he scans the cave in the area surrounding and finds the symbol on the edge of the wooden shaft on the ceiling of the cave. This symbol is inverted, so Earle tries to turn the shaft, which he is able to do. When the symbol on the shaft is inverted, the wall of rock starts to collapse, revealing the entire petroglyph.

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