Well for some here, the biggest sporting event of the year kicks off on Thursday.  Test cricket doesn't get much bigger than The Ashes - a 5-test series played between the 2 oldest cricketing nations, Australia and England.

Over recent decaces Australia has dominated, to such an extent that there were even grumblings down under that it'd spice things up a bit if we could lose just once.  And on queue, England pulled a few tricks out of the bag last year and famously clinched the series 2-1 (with 2 drawn matches) in an extremely close and controverial set of matches.

This has lit a burning fire in the bellies of most Aussies, who take it as a national insult to lose anything to England, and we've been counting the days until we can get revenge on the old foe.  For some, nothing short of a white-wash of England will help bury the memories of 2005.

Do we have any predictions for this year?

Final result?

Highest overall runs scorer?

Highest wicket taker for the series?

I'm going for 4-0 (1 match drawn) to Australia.

Highest runs scorer - Ponting.

Highest wicket taker - Warne.

I'd be interested to hear your Ashes predicitions, and thoughts as the series progresses...

*Tumbleweed*

nobody gives a shit about that wimpy game mate. There was me under the impression you were a hard yakka aussie bloke too

 Although I hope you kick pommie ass like we kicked aussie ass in the rugby yesterday !

Sweet sweet revenge!!!

Lets Roque

Yes congrats on Sunday - the Irish are really in sparkling form at the moment, and look to finish in the top 3 at next year's world cup on present form.  You guys are on a roll - I think that's the 2nd time you've beaten us now...in the past 26 years.  That said, I can't see anyone coming even close to NZ - we could almost hand them the cup right now...

The Wallabies have been woeful for a while now.  They've got quite a few individual stars, but they're just not playing smart rugby.  They throw sloppy passes when they need to hold it...they hold it when they have options out wide...and they give away stupid penalties at poorly selected times.  At the moment they look like a side likely to bow out early in the WC, but everyone said that last time and they somehow made the final.  That said, the conditions played a huge factor - our players simply aren't used to playing on bogs - they usually prefer grass.  Also the howling gale played havoc with the lineouts.  The Irish certainly played the conditions far better.

We need the Ashes.  After watching the Wallabies struggle through Europe where we're used to clean sweeps, seeing the world champion Kangaroos also struggle at times with Great Britain and NZ in the tri-nations League, losing the Ashes last year, and speculation that Ian Thorpe might retire today (in just over an hour!)...things are a bit down at the moment.  I have my fingers crossed that the Roos can turn up a gear as they usually do, and win the Final this weekend...that the Thorpedo will reconsider his retirement...that the Wallabies will somehow pull another miracle metamorphosis like last WC...and that the baggy green will reign supreme during the Ashes series.

Well you've got to be positive don't you??

Strike One!!

The mighty Thorpedo retired today, age 24.  Without a doubt the best Australian swimmer of all time, and possibly the world's best.  Who knows what more records he could have broken if he's stayed on for Beijing?

It's a shame, but I'm sure the 10's of thousands of hours of swimming training must eventually bore even the most patient sportsman.

OK 1-0 after today.

Game 1 was dominated by Australia, although there was some batting resistance on Day 4 from England.

The big names this match were Ponting (just missed out on a double ton and led the batting charge), McGrath (who silenced the critics who harp on about his age with a 6for in the first innings) and Clark (who was a controversial selection, but picked up a swag for the game).

The barmy army were silenced...mainly by security who insisted in maintaining order.  Most are of the opinion that the security went too far this game, and perhaps held back some of the crowd participation.  That should be confined the the Gabba though.

Looking forward to game 2 in Adelaide, and hopefully a similar result!

From my impartial position, I thought the key moment of last year's series was the injury for three Tests to Glenn McGrath - although no one really said it out loud for fear of sounding "unsporting". He was awesome in that first innings!

Here's hoping for a bit more of a contest for the next test. Throw some marbles under McGrath's feet when he isn't looking and teach the England team how to bl00dy bat! That should do it!

I hope they cannot see / The limitless potential / Building inside of me / To murder everything / I hope they cannot see / I am the great destroyer

Well McGrath has some foot ailment that's affecting him this series.  It's been described as a blister or callous, but he said it's the most painful injury he's had in cricket - a constant irritation...

The poms are doing a job job at the moment - they won the toss and went in to bat...it's session three of the 2nd test in Adelaide, and they're currently 2/158 on a very flat deck.  Looking like a draw unless Warne can weave some magic in the 2nd innings.

Wait!!  Lee's just grabbed a wicket...back to normal programming...

Everything?   ...or Anything?

Day 4 of the 2nd test and England have been looking very dominant from the start.  The deck prepared was just dead flat - a real belter, and the poms took full advantage knocking an easy 550 before declaring.  Along the way they set what must be the biggest partnership between a South African and a Pom in test cricket, with Collingwood scoring a double ton, and Pietersen not far behind.  Warne frustrated the batsmen with his decision to bowl wide around leg repeatedly, slowing the scoring rate.  When you're 1 game up you can afford to drag the clock out a bit.

 Australia is close to avoiding the follow-on now - 24 runs away.  At this stage, unless there's a sudden and amazing collapse by Australia, it's hard to see any result but a draw.  But this is test cricket, and anything can happen...

Well that was a simply incredible finish to a match - amazing stuff, and the match of a generation.

England dominated and had the game in the bag - the Aussies had virtually no chance, yet somehow manufactured a win on the last day.  Taking 9 wickets for 70, lead by the world's all-time greatest bowler Shane Warne, the Aussies had the poms bamboozled and back in their usual mode of mental disintegration.

Then it was a canter for the batsmen to knock up a lazy 150 or so to win.  It's the highest first innings score in history for a team to lose.  The poms looked positively shattered on the field, their guts torn out and their confidence and bravado must be in tatters now.  Now will be the real test of their character - coming back after being pomelled like that.

For the baseball fans, imagine the world series, final game, final innings.  One team is 12 runs down - they need to get their opposition out for 0 and then make up the difference - and they do it!  That's what this win was like - just incredible...

Australia 2-0, with 3 games to go.  England need only win 2 games to retain the Ashes.

3-nil.  My prediction of a 4-nil whitewash is still on the cards...surely at least 1 game will play out to a draw.  The Aussies have shown their horror at losing the Ashes last year by shifting up a gear when needed throughout this series.

I feel sorry for the poms - they've tried hard and played very well in patches...but their heartless press will carve them up nonetheless.  Pietersen in particular has done well, albeit for a South African.

I'm really looking forward to Warney taking his 700th wicket at the MCG - his home ground.  That will be a sight to behold, and there are whispers about him going on to 800!!  >or he may just be saying that to give English cricket officials a few more sleepless nights<

BAD SPORTS

In the worst case of bad sportsmanship I can recall, the Ashes urn despite being won by Australia yet again, is set to be returned to England.  The Poms have refused to let the trophy out of the country once again, in a show of defiance and poor sportsmanship that rivals the best dummy spits in living memory.  Shame England...shame.

POSTSCRIPT

A DRIVER weaving erratically down the road was asked by the police officer who pulled him over to breathe into a breathalyser, but he declined and produced a letter from his doctor which stated: "This man suffers from terrible asthma. Please don't make him perform any action that'll leave him short of breath."

So the officer asked for a blood sample, but then a second letter was produced which said: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way."

Exasperated the officer said he would need a urine sample, but at that a third letter was flourished in which was written: "This man plays cricket for England. Please don't take the piss out of him."

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.”

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

“No” said Billy, “He plays cricket for England but I was just too
embarrassed to say.”

I'd love to join in, but that team is so bad I feel genuine pity for them.  I mean it's not like they're not trying, but they're going to be ripped to shreds when they get back the UK press.  Vaughan described the "mental cancer" that the team has - and that's basically what it boils down to.  They arrived pumped full of bravado and self confidence, but after the first loss, instead of getting angry and determined to even the score...they instead seemed to accept that they were just going to lose from that point onwards.  There are only a couple in the camp with enough self-belief to make a difference - Pietersen (injured) and Flintoff(who doesn't appear 100% either).

The positive side is their fans - they are bloody loyal.  No matter how bad the beating, they keep coming along to games, singing in the stands and creating a great atmosphere.  So they get plenty of credit - shame they don't really have anything to cheer about...

Oh...ok then...just a couple:

Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Andrew Flintoff put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?

A. A bat.

Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?

A. An allrounder.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?

A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?

A. A bowler.

Q. What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English team?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor, Alan Mullally, the Hollioakes, Mark Alleyne, Kevin Pietersen, Ian Bell and Graeme Hick have over the rest of their team-mates?

A. At least they can say they’re not really English.

Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler in England?

A. Because he was born in England.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?

A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

Q. What’s the English version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spent the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?

A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

ps.  I watched Gough at the International Beach cricket series on Saturday, and I think he's still a far better bowler today that many in the English squad.