So, there's been a lot of talk about the trend of dumb "comedies" that have been flooding the multiplexes lately (though let's be honest, when has this not been a trend?). Few would disagree that the ____ Movie franchise has worn out its welcome, and that Eddie Murphy is ruining his Oscar chances by donning a rubber latex fat suit again so soon. But there is one element that I don't think anyone has covered yet: the lazy-ass posters! Here, lemme show you...

See what I mean? Apparently red block letters on a white background just screams comedy.

How about some other lazy movie posters? Or just bad posters in general?

Don't leech images. I can't see shit.

Any poster that's basically just the star's giant face is awful. And when a good poster is replaced by giant floating heads for the DVD release it's very annoying.

Any poster that's basically just the star's giant face is awful.

Is Sarah Michelle Gellar trying to intimidate me into buying her awful movie? This doesn't even look like a romantic film, it looks like an intense thriller. Also, including the title "Sean Patrick Flannery" was a bad choice. It's like they're daring you to watch it.

Looks like Buffy is falling in love with a werewolf. A hypnotizing werewolf.

Don't leech images. I can't see shit.

Any poster that's basically just the star's giant face is awful. And when a good poster is replaced by giant floating heads for the DVD release it's very annoying.

  Unless it's Andre the Giant.

Lousy Movie Poster Rule #23:

If you have an ensemble cast in your comedy, make sure you cram every single actor into the poster. Bonus points if the poster contains the words "Directed by Kevin Smith" or "and featuring Eugene Levy".

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

 Maybe he drained his poor testes by HAVING so many offspring!!

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

Maybe he drained his poor testes by HAVING so many offspring!!I'm thinking The Jerk caused him to blow his comedic load.

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

Maybe he drained his poor testes by HAVING so many offspring!!I'm thinking The Jerk caused him to blow his comedic load.

 I recall Navin donating blood, NOT semen!

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

Maybe he drained his poor testes by HAVING so many offspring!!I'm thinking The Jerk caused him to blow his comedic load.

I recall Navin donating blood, NOT semen!"I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke."

Steve Martin sure has a large amount of children for a man with no balls.

Maybe he drained his poor testes by HAVING so many offspring!!I'm thinking The Jerk caused him to blow his comedic load.

I recall Navin donating blood, NOT semen!"I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke." Speaking of spartan comic posters, The Jerk just features it's star. That's all they needed. Oh, & that paddle ball game. That's ALL though. Wait, the remote control, too. But that's the only things! Just the star & the paddle ball & the remote. Oh, crap, AND the ashtray! BUT THAT'S ALL!!! Oh, & some credits. But THAT'S IT, I tell ya!!!!  Hey, why can't we have Bernadette? And Shithead? And the Johnson family? But THAT'S ALL WE HAVE ROOM FOR!!! Just...
 

I hate Hate HATE lazy movie posters.

 IMO the worst offenders are those that don't bother to correspond the stars' names to their pictures... most obviously when the two leads photos are on opposite sides of the banner, they are male and female ane the names are obviously not above the correct heads.

Happens all the time.

 Soooo lazy.

Misadvertisement is annoying too. Look at the Bridge to Terabithia poster... it makes it look like a really stupid fantasy movie, which it isn't at all. It's not even a fantasy movie (though it features some fantasy imagery). The advertising surely has kept any one who hasn't seen it from taking it seriously as a film, and dismissing it as yet another cheap, junky movies that only the kids will enjoy...

IMO the worst offenders are those that don't bother to correspond the stars' names to their pictures... most obviously when the two leads photos are on opposite sides of the banner, they are male and female ane the names are obviously not above the correct heads.

Not lazy so much, I suspect, as poorly executed.  The agents haggle the billing order with the producers, and the producers generally don't give a shit about the fact that they're making a movie, so nobody bothers to inform the poster designers that there are unchangeable elements that must be adhered to.  The designers work in a vacuum, then at the last minute the legal people say Star A needs to be listed first and B needs to be second and C needs to be third, but they've already shot 100 rolls of B/A/C poses for the poster.

Drives me nuts too. 

The poster for The Number 23 looks like a joke. Add a Dalí mustache and black out a couple of teeth to complete the look.

The poster for The Number 23 looks like a joke.

From what I hear, that's a pretty accurate representation of the movie as well. Which bugs me a little, 'cause I usually enjoy movies where Jim Carrey is allowed to stretch a little. Um, as an actor, that is. No screenshots of Jim in bright green spandex, please. 

"JOYGASM!"

Anyway, back to the subject at hand... today, Premiere's website has The 25 Best Movie Posters. Besides the obvious choices (Vertigo and Gilda), a lot of them are pretty... underwhelming. Though I've always liked Silence's poster (and can you believe it took me as recently as this year to notice those bodies on the moth?).

Which bugs me a little, 'cause I usually enjoy movies where Jim Carrey is allowed to stretch a little. Um, as an actor, that is. No screenshots of Jim in bright green spandex, please.

Maybe the internet has damaged me, but the first thing that I thought about when you said that was the "excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions" bit in Ace Ventura. Which of course made me think about goatse.

Maybe the internet has damaged me, but the first thing that I thought about when you said that was the "excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions" bit in Ace Ventura. Which of course made me think about goatse.

 

You won't want to watch it. You won't be able to turn away.

Coming soon to a theater near us all.

Yay, compression artifacts!

So I should just leave the Photoshoppery to you, then.

Yay uneven cropping and inexplicable Drop Shadow! 

Yay movies based on internet shock sites.

Coming soon: Rub-a-dub-dub, three men and a tubgirl. Starring: Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg, and Tom Selleck.

Okay, that's one I've never heard of. I assume it has something to do with geriatrics committing devious and disgusting acts?

(Luckily, I manage to hear about these sites instead of stumbling upon them myself. Thanks, Internet humor sites that reference Internet shock sites!)

Wait, what was my thread about again? 

Okay, that's one I've never heard of. I assume it has something to do with geriatrics committing devious and disgusting acts?

Yes, something like that. Three old men. Together... forever. In love.

I just this moment realized how appropriate my current avatar has become.

"You're the monster! You, you're the freak!"