Actually it should probably be called 'Pet Hypotheses' since, to the best of my understanding, a theory is a hypothesis that has been tested and supported through experiment but let's not be too pedantic about it. (TOO LATE!)

redbears linguistic theory #1;  Most, if not all, the things humans say can be translated into the following six statements or combination's thereof .

1) "Grrrrrrrr..., stay away!"

2) "Oooooo..., come here!"

3) "Where's the food?

4) "I have worth!"

5) "What's going on?"

6) "I'm still here, are you still there?"

Please feel free to tear it apart.  Do you have any pet theories of your own?

(This post is a combination of 4, 5 & 6 in my estimation)

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu