Marriage. Ever done that? :: Twin Peaks Gazette Message Board

"A males' discovery that he could have heirs meant that he could wrest a small victory from death's maw by siring a child to whom he could pass on his name, wisdom, and weapons. This made urgent his need to be certain a newborn was the result of his copulatory efforts. A mother never has to doubt her kinship to her progeny: her infants literally come from and through her. A man, however, can never be completely sure. The male's heavy-handed solution was to demand virginity in his bride and absolute chastity in his wife thereafter. Making babies, an unfettered and essentially joyous process in less time-aware animals, turned deadly serious for humans. Whether willingly or reluctantly, the female acquiesced to this restrictive arrangement. In some ways it was in her interest, and that of her present or future children, to enjoy one man's loyalty. The sex-for-meat exchange developed by earlier homininds now became considerably more complicated. The new social contract exchanged male fealty for female chastity, and eventually formed the basis of marriage. A woman sacrificed her sexual freedom in exchange for aid, companionship, and perhaps, love. A man pledged himself and his accumulated property to one woman and their combined issue in the expectation that the children she bore would be his. Chastity and fidelity became the two foundation stones underpinning all future patriarchies." Leonard Shlain An interesting theory.

I have experimented with many different forms of "marriage". My first was an "open" marriage--for a year we included another woman and her two children in our marriage, until my husband became too conflicted over how we would present ourselves to society. Our marriage ended when it became clear I did not want children and he did. My second marriage was also an open one, which was fine when husband was having fun, but not when wife was. I then lived for as many years as each marriage (7) with an artist, without the piece of paper. It felt the same to me as the "legal" marriages. We were actually monogamous, but living with an artist became impossible. (Those who have tried it will know what I mean!) I have now been married for 11 years. I swore I'd never get married again, but I met a wonderful man who wanted the piece of paper, and I wanted him so...I'm a Libra, what can I say? Relationships are my spiritual practice. Besides companionship, and help with daily life, being in relationship is one of the best ways to work on the ego, to rid oneself of judgements, blaming, defensiveness, to disidentify with the mind and mental positions. I don't think you have to be "married" to do this, but living in close quarters day after day makes it an imperative.