Thanks for your comments.  And Rainbow I know what you mean about everything being on the inside.  But when I went on the inside of my own soul it just brought confusion.  I don't always understand going inside the Kingdom but it does not bring confusion.

I also understand some people may be thinking I am a little off, LOL.  From what happened to me and for my zeal for the Kingdom.  But once you taste the Kindom of God you can't contain it. 

I do agree with the fact that some thearby would help though.  I was thinking of Theophosic thearby because there seems to be a very high success rate with it in this kind of thing.  And I did go through a time of trying to decern what was of the Kingdom of God and what was from the abuse.  Like I would see blood all over me when I took a shower etc...  That was from the abuse.  It is pretty easy to decern the difference now.

As for the abuser he is dead now.  He died of a drug overdose.  I was molested by a neighbor as well and I don't where he is because we moved after our house burned down

But yeah, I do have to decern when I am reaching out to people because of love or when it is from the Jenny Gump syndrome.  That is something I come up  with.  Sounds like a Dr. Phil show, huh?  It is when your are involved in all of these things to some how try to medicate the pain of what happened to you.  Like Jenny Gump did in the Forrest Gump movie. 

Now, it is real easy when I get a prompting from the Holy Spirit to be somewhere and fruit always follows.  What was hard to decern was when I would help people and not really want to do it, but seemed unworthy of saying no.  But since having some rough times at churches it has been easier to say no if it is something I don't want to do.  So, I am learning and growing in that area.  God Bless.

Kevin, you have gone through some stuff that shouldn't have happened. Major stuff. I am glad that the Lord gives you strength and guidance.

Psychiatry, or psychology and belief in God or religion for that matter are not mutually exclusive. Have you had any course of sessions with a good psychiatrist or a psychologist with understanding, specializing in abuse clients? It might be a positive adjunct, not a detriment to your Faith.

I am a believer in God. And once ( not trying to be funny) at the dentist for a wisdom tooth extraction, I was inhaling the nitrous oxide to beat the band and an apparition appeared by my side - Jesus Christ I figured. So, that of course can be brain function under a drug obviously, but I accept Jesus as my Main Man. In a crisis-deathbed-foxhole setting most strongly. Booth knows my Pascal's wager approach to faith, but it is real.

All the best Kev.

Kev

Thanks for sharing your story.  FWIW I think you went to the right place for healing.  Counsellors can give you enough cliched information to get you through an immediate issue, but to have genuine healing of a whole person you need God involved.

Very shortly after I became Christian my girlfriend (who is now my wife) suffered a miscarriage. We were heartbroken by this. I was waiting for her at the hospital as she needed a small operation after. While she was being operated upon, I prayed and could feel someone walking alongside me. Almost holding my hand. Pretty sure it was Jesus.

A few months after this, my Dad went into hospital suffering from a bad lung infection, cause by cancer treatment. After being in a coma for over a month, the hospital told us that there was nothing really they could do for him, and asked for our permission to let him go, to which we consented too, in order relieve his suffering. I prayed to the Lord and asked to be given a moment alone with my Dad so that I could tell him that this was it, he'd better find Jesus and God pretty fast if he wants to get into Heaven. I asked that God make sure Dad could hear me, that he'd listen to me (he was not a particularly religious man, he was kinda confused by me becoming a Born Again Christian), and if it worked, that God let me know somehow.

After that, things got kinda weird. Actually, kinda freaky. My Dad was on the hospital bed, as my Mum and a Doctor and a Nurse was in the hospital room with us. Someone asked if they could speak to us outside, but Mum just turned round and said "Stu, do you want a few moments alone with your Dad?" I knew that this was my moment. I whispered something into my Dad's ear, but I can't remember what it was I'd said. Anyway, as my Dad passed away, I felt a prescence in the room that I can't explain and shortly before he drew his last breath, one of his eyes was watching me and a single tear rolled down his cheek. Then, he was gone.

Later, my Mum dropped me home, and I was crying, completely inconsolable. But then for a split second, I saw what I can only describe as a vision, over in the blink of an eye. It was my Dad. He was happy, and he was dancing. Which is something he loved doing when he was alive. I knew my prayer had been answered, that Dad is OK, and dancing his ass off, while waiting for me in Heaven.

Thank you for your kind words my brother. I read your story too, and it was very moving, and true of God's work. People who don't understand our faith try to convince us that God, the way they see Him, is a vengeful warmonger, who punishes and wounds.

The God that I've experienced, has always been nothing but kind, loving, and forgiving. Every prayer I've said has been answered, and I always feel Him watching over me, always there, always protecting.

Like I said earlier, I strayed off the path in recent years. I'm now ready to go back. God has welcomed me with open arms, and it feels pretty awesome. I have a two year old daughter, and I've prayed to God to talk to her, to protect her, to do funny things that only she can see and make her laugh. Sometime I've seen her talking to and laughing at something that I cannot see. Most sceptics would put this down to a child's active imagination. But I think different...

I'm filling up writing this. I love the Lord.

I enjoy my life, I enjoy being alive. But I cannot wait to see my Dad again. I like to think he's up there looking after the baby we lost shortly before he died.