Judy Chicago award for most suggestive flower

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

The life cycle of an Idiot (all actual titles (if you trust Amazon.com);

The Complete Idiot's Guide To...

Dating

Amazing Sex (Tantric Sex, Pleasing Your Woman, Being A Sex Goddess, Oral Sex(A Pocket Idiot's Guide ('Excuse Me while I whip this out.')), Being Sexy, Enhancing Sexual Desire, Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated, Sex On The (not 'In A') Net)

Intimacy

Perfect Marriage

Pregnancy and Childbirth (Being an Expectant Father)

Bringing Up Baby (Parenting a Preeschooler and Toddler Too, Parenting a Teenager, Fatherhood, Being A New Dad, Single Parenting, Stepparenting)

Surviving Divorce

Near-Death Experiences

Life After Death

Reincarnation

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

Nice Girls Do and You Can Too!

I found this book in my local library when I was in high school doing a research paper for sex ed. They had an entire chapter on things you could do if your man could only manage a "soft-on". I wasted three hours just laughing my ass off over it. Recently found it again on Amazon and am entertaining the idea of ordering a copy just for the lulz.

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

Do You Remember?

I was flipping through this a while back and came across (If I remember correctly);

'Do you remember President Carters Boycott of the 1976 Moscow Summer Olympics?'

It is possible they were trying to be ironic but I saw nothing else to indicate that.  The author I can forgive because authors are dumb but the editor should be dope slapped, metaphorically speaking.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

Great Expectations by Deborah Chiel,  a novelization of

Great Expectations, a film written by Mitch Glazer, adapted from

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (I think this is the original.)

In the same vein;

Total Recall by Piers Anthony based on a screenplay by

Ronald Shusett & Dan O'Bannon and Gary Oldman (dear editors; that is how it's written on the cover) 

inspired by "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

The Climacticon by Harold Livingston

The cover blurb; THE MACHINE ANY RED-BLOODED MALE WOULD PAWN HIS WIFE TO GET.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

Live From New York : An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live

This is kind of an oral history of the show.  There are great stories from and about the writers, producers and actors. For example Alan Zweibel fighting a censor;

"Jane (the censor) listen to me. What Gilda is calling Jane Curtin, when she's saying 'bitch' she is effectively using the adveb form of the word. In effect she is saying 'You are acting bitchy toward me,' which I have heard on television before. She's not saying, 'Jane, you are a bitch,' which is a noun, which I agree should never be in television nor even in the streets. She's using the adverb form." And would you believe it, she bought this crock of shit."

Funny stuff.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

the NYMPHOS of ROCKY FLATS : When Girls Go Wild... Call in the Undead by Mario Acevedo, Bestselling author of X-Rated Bloodsuckers

I might read this just because of the title although... Ouch!  I wish the nymphos would move to less rocky flats.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

Anything by David Sedaris- humor essays about his youth as a gay boy in the South and his crazy family

The Bad Girls Guide To.. A set of humorous manuals about a variety of topics

A couple of tips from the bad girls on losing a loser

1. Stick peanuts/pretzels/olives up your nose, then eat them

2.Sing "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" and burst into tears.

I was lucky enough to be working at the best book store in the world when Sedaris was reading.  He sand the Oscar Myer baloney song in a Marylin Monroe voice and it was just about the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Yup, the Bad Girl Guides are a hoot and a great gift idea for any bad girl or bad girl wanna be on your list.

Anything Onion but particularly Our Dumb Century as it reflects  some actual work as opposed to just reprinting the old issues.  My favorite bit was from something like 1928,  Headline 'Doctors warn drivers are too tense, recommend having a drink or two before getting behind the wheel.'  Roosevelts fire side string of obscenities is classic as well.

(Edited to substitute baloney for my wiener (straight line up for grabs!) and correct spelling)

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

A)  Finally, the book that dares to answer the question "What does 'e do to make 'er petals like open that?"  "Elixir!"

B) SEARCH INSIDE!

(Seriously, how did I not see B before?  I've been on this thread a half a dozen times already.)

HA!  I didn't get the 'search inside' connection until you posted it and even then it took me a few beats. (Another straight line, pick it up! Pick it up!)

OT; Alien Rock : The Rock'n' Roll Extraterrestrial Connection by Michael C. Luckman (Pocket Books)

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

Boy am I dense, I just got 'Elixir'.  Thanks JVS for the added levels!

Grunge Music : Tap Your Feet to the Beat a Teddy Ruxpin adventure, published in 1985, just about the time the word Grunge was seeping into the language as the name of a distinct musical form (to the extent that it was.)  Grunge in the Teddy universe appeared to be a being or race of a fairly sinister cast.  All I remember of Teddy Ruxpin is that it was a talking/moving doll which I found to be fairly disturbing, like a proto-Chuckie, even though I was in my early twenties.

For Love of a Pagan by Anne Hampson (Harlequin Romance #2246)

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

1. pass him a loaded revolver, help him to aim it at his head if needed

my favorite funny book is dave barry does japan
 

It's Not About The Coffee : Leadership Principles from a Life at Starbucks by Howard Behar with Janet Goldstein with  forward by Howard Schultz

Later they figured out that it actually was about the coffee.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

No additional comment required.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

How in the hell am I going to hook up with her if I punch her?  If she ain't into it it'll scare her off and if she is then I ain't into her. (I mean a little spanking is one thing but punching is over my line.)

Oh My God, Hunter S. Thompson and Robert Fulghum had a baby and it LIVED!

Watch for his forthcoming book; Everything I need to know about life I learned from Mescaline from Loompanics Unlimited.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

redbear, I am an insatiable lover, not a fighter.

http://www.2000revue.com/community/topic.cfm?topicid=4566

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

I know cool, it just makes me appreciate you all the more.

The Mondale Family Cookbook by Joan Mondale

At first this appears to be just mildly amusing with the quintessentialy 1984 looks of the family on the cover and the Turkey, which is burnt to a crisp, but a further investigation shows it's true hummor potential.

Eldest son Ted, 26, never smiles.  Is it somthing about being the oldest child that makes people dour?  Of course he could have been on drugs, it was 1984 and Nancy Regan hadn't quite saved us from that deadly scourge yet.

Younger children Eleanor, 24, and William, 22, are more or less allways smiling.  Again could be drugs, you should check that out Fritz.  Ooooops, 25 years too late.  One exception can be found on page 39 where William is attempting, with great concentration, to light a candel while Eleanor looks on.  Good idea mom, best to keep a close eye on those druggies if they have matches or sharp objects.

In the picture of the family on page 26 family dog Digger (no age given) is looking very distracted.  Yes, you guessed it, drugs once again.

Throughout the book Fritz looks like his smile has been wired into place.  I'm thinking that he needs drugs.  This is in keeping with my belief that all politicians should be high all the time.  They'd get up to less mischief that way.

Finally we learn that that burnt Turkey was cooked by Fritz and the kids.  If the kids had shared their drugs with Fritz (just like kids today,  (if today was in 1985) so selfish) the dinner would probably been fine.

Seriously, what is the meassage? (no typo, a meassage is a message that has been massaged into the desired shape, everything you here from a political campaign (at least a viable political campaign) is a meassage) Fritz is willing to help out in the kitchen but he really sucks at it?

Anyway, what the hell are you reading this for?  Get back to work.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu

I find anything by Tom Robbins to be full of hilarity.  He is completely absurd.

Just bought one of his books- Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates. The title made me laugh.  I picture wild old folks in wheelchairs toting weapons and sunburnt.

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu