Well, nah... being single is not bad... but it's hard to get out of a relationship if you really thought this was "meant to be" (hate this sentence)... It takes time to get over someone you really liked.

About not feeling happy... Hmm... it's that the purpose on seeing/dating other people? That they make you happy?

 EDIT: I was surpose to write "isn't that the purpose on seeing/dating other people?"... sorry

Bückstabü Blog

That´s a shame! Really! I hope you didn´t mean that! 

Yeah, but only for a brief time. Everytime I´ve done it after a break up I always ended up hating or hurting the guy. Need I tell you the story about the German one more time, love???

Im not so worried about the "getting bored" part. It´s just the the fact that you dislike people so much that worries me 

 Oh no... that story was bad... Stupid dumb German guy...

Well, I don't see this "hurry out and find a new man" option that attractive... It doesn't work for me neither... like I just feel stupid and dumb afterwards... yeah, this hurting and hating thingy sounds familiar... I guess you should just slow down and do the time it takes...

Bückstabü Blog

I wish I had saved an article I had sitting here by the computer a week or so ago. It was all about the many pluses of marriage!

Now I know you kids use the term "single" these days to indicate you are not paired up with someone for a certain span of time. But to me, the word has its original connotation - single = unmarried.

All the hardships and disappointments that are necessarily involved with trying to find Ms or Mr RIGHT do not end when you finally commit yourself to ONE person. And although that is just basic truth that everyone knows, it's useful to remember it along the way.

EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU.

There now. You know it's true. Your mom. Your dad. Your guru. Your muse. Even God. Even yourself. But definitely your lover.

Now, don't you feel a little more free with that recognition? Then, like all other matters, it becomes a question of balance. How much disappointment goes with this or that total package?  Do the positives OUTWEIGH the negative?  Is it worth it?

Fact of human DNA is that we are social creatures and we require others from our species. It may seem easier to do without them. Men/women are just too difficult. They just end up hurting me. I have no idea what makes a man/woman tick. (okay this is usually 'what makes a woman tick.') But once you've found yourself with that person who fits the bill closely and that person has a KIND nature and a SENSE of HUMOR, the work of managing those differences makes each party a better individual.

Now I can't remember what all was in that article that I lost. But there were many stats on how much healthier it is for the body and soul to be a married person. How much less likely it is that one will live in poverty -- I think the figure was something like 90% likelihood of NOT sinking into poverty as a married couple.

I've been married for 31 years. My husband and I still disappoint one another at times. (Like the time he said "The Crying Game" was an 'okay' movie -- not a GREAT movie) We fall in love, believe that person has everything it takes, and then they You reach a point in a relationship where your partner's pain over your gruffness hurts you almost as much. You apologize. Your partner accepts it. You are amazed at the vast reservoir of forgiveness that exists over time and it only expands with time, love and compassion. Then, best case scenario, you extend these little kindnesses -- niceties -- along to others in your day to day life. This has the effect of coming back to you in an embarrassment of riches of caring.

There will always be those who take advantage of kindness and generosity. They will use you and discard you and you will hurt. That's where the strong coupling partnership also helps to soothe you and get you past the pain from the outside.

Bottom line: Cozy up to those who are kind and make you laugh. Move quickly away from those who cause you undue pain and do not look back. Give back freely. Continue for a lifetime.

If we lived on a desert island all by our lone selves we would self-destruct in short order without the human interactions that every primate -- hey, even every bird and cockroach -- need.  We'd focus on all the disappointments caused by that ONE human in our midst -- ourselves.  Without the moderating force of another human's reactions, one person alone could and would demolish themselves.  Hence - marriage is good, she rambled.   

Susan

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

Susan, find me one person who is out there who would be at all interested in loving anyone and I would give it a try...

Oh, my dear sweet Leo's Girl!  I wish I could do the heavy lifting for you, but I can't.  Maybe if you moved to LA, I could have a better shot?  It may be hard to believe but you ladies have the edge.  You get to be the more selective sex because you are the woman.  The good news is you don't have to be funny even if you do have to find a guy who makes you laugh.  And if it's any help, my across-the-street neighbor is a comedian agent.  Move to LA and I'll do my match-making best!

Check this out .  There's a lot of excess stuff in the article but the essence is true.  The man needs to sell YOU; not the other way around.  The article asks the question: Why are women not funny?  Here's a portion:

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

I still find it hard to believe, despite all evidence to the contrary, the depth of feeling one person can have for another and have it go unreciprocated. Sometimes I understand but I usually don't. I'm rather hostile to the expression "if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't" because if it didn't feel right on some level I never would have wanted it in the first place. There are times, in fact, when "right" is all it feels! So right, in fact, that it seems a waste of everyone's time when it turns out to be wrong. What possible purpose is there in the universe providing one with amazing masturbation fodder --the stuff of day dreams and romantic fantasies--with no possibility of it ever becoming true because all the feeling, the warmth, the empathy and compassion for and with the other exists, finally, only in one's own head? Someone I know gave me a look once. The kind of look I've never seen directed my way before. It caught me off guard and I liked it. I wanted more and when I oh so gingerly began to respond to the looks (there was more than one) I was surprised at just how bold she allowed me to be. But things changed when my interest became more obvious. Or did it? I like to think she liked the attention, at least in the beginning, and not that it was in my head (which has happened before) but I get so self-conscious I'm never really sure.

Mike, your 2cats

Dreams, infatuations and possibilities are a big part of being human. They keep us going. I would insert a Shakespearian quote here if I could accurately remember it.

There is a new year in a few days. You are in new circumstances. These changes will bring you in contact with new groups, people, new girls. Your world is in flux. That will bring a confluence of events that should have you

where you should be and your questions may very well be answered. This isn’t horoscope talk it is just how things happen. We all know it, we just sometimes forget it.

I know how you feel, Mike.  Have you been reading my diary again?    Hang in there; I'm sure you'll find a very lucky girl.

~ 'I will give you my finest hour, the one I spent watching you shower' ~

Mike, your 2cats

~ 'I will give you my finest hour, the one I spent watching you shower' ~

Erwin-

If you have no fondness for this person, ignore them until they get the point.  If that doesn't work, you should be unapologetically abusive and hostile.  It may feel out of character, but you're probably saving some other poor bastard the misplaced attentions of this confused soul in the future.   Especially if it's long distance.   You have every right to demand to be left alone, and in this case, teach someone a hard, necessary lesson.
 

Mike, your 2cats

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=16348640

Well, I'm sad to say I didn't make her laugh. Far from it actually (but she did recently make me laugh), but I'm on to someone new so that's okay. It's actually amazing to me how people relate well to some and badly to others. I met this wonderful lady from Germany who is turning out to have many of the attributes I like in a person: wit, charm, intelligence, energy and vitality, self-reliance, good looks. All of these things attracted me to the the former lady who sparked my interest but apparently she thinks I'm a creep. Sigh.

Isabella, however, doesn't think so and is quite enamored of me it seems. However, she thinks one of our mutual aquaintences is a creep although I know him to be a very humble, albeit lonely and not too bright, but harmeless, man.

Anyway, ladies, it's like this:

I meditate in the morning. I go to work. I meditate in the evening (mahayana buddhist meditations and chanting) . I like to hike, camp, fish, paint, write, read, watch lots of movies, eat good food, drink good wine, attend college classes, etc. I don't have elaborate or unrealistic fantasies of any kind. I happen to think Julianne Moore and Nicole Kidman are very beautiful, too, but it doesn't mean I'm expecting anything from them, obviously. However hopeful I may have been a time or two in the past regarding a certain someone (not Julianne or Nicole, mind you)...well...that was the past.

Fortunately, I have good friends who, though they are better than me at keeping secret about things like crushes and are much more discreet whereas I'm pretty much an open book (and honest!), know my intensity and seriousness (which I try to remember can be off-putting) are mostly all surface. Underneath, I'm warm, friendly, loving, uncomplicated. Being an open book is a relatively new phenomenon for me and is likely a response to an awareness of my off-putting intensity and seriousness. See how uncomplicated I am?

I don't know. Maybe a nice reserved intense and serious German girl is right up my alley!

I believe in romance. Especially, I believe in that. In fact, I am so unsure of myself at times that I think a traditional approach (nice dinner, flowers, etc.) can be something to fall back on. Don't complicate it. Keep it fresh and light with tulips or other nice springtime blossoms, light meals, jazz...you get the idea. It's romantic, inexpensive, and sets a mood conducive to intimate chat. This describes our second date. I surprised myself at how well it all came together. Since then we've met for drinks at a bar we both like, she has cooked dinner for me at her place (conveniently located three blocks away), and we have tentative plans for a nice drive this Thursday after mid-term exams. She is still interested so I must be doing something right.

Mike, your 2cats

Love blows worse when you're not single. You know, toward the end of things? Either you stay together til you die, which doesn't even guarantee that you'll be happy, or you don't.  

Thought I'd drag this one up from the depths now that I'm full of bitterness again.  I should just learn to accept this as my natural state.

The last girl I was dating broke things off with me, and then wrote a freakin' song about it which she played the next time I went to see her play.  It included the line, "please don't cry"!  Are you kidding me?!  We dated for three weeks, and while it was fun, it was certainly not worth crying over.  A couple of beers did the trick much more effectively.

-cg

That's a funny story, Chris!  Ah, communication and its lapses, huh?  A girl needs her artistic muses and a break-up after a few dates is as good as anything I suppose.   

After such a long spell with no posts (March through September) on this thread, I had begun to think every Gazetteer had coupled up and was now living in bliss by now.  Alas, not so.  Life is still unfair. 

Susan 

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

It's true.  I had a good run of a couple of months, but eventually we always end up back here.

-cg