How would you like to come back to my tardis and take a look at my time vortex?   

I'm resurrecting this thread! Though since elephantman, the Crown Prince of the Destined to be Single threads, is no longer single, I may have to step into his shoes.  (his girlfriend is SUPER cute, btw)

I just thought I'd share that I spent the bulk of my festival vacation trying to get other people laid. WTF is that all about? I've been single for about 4 1/2 years now and suddenly I've turned into the Mother Theresa of sex...all selfless and concerned with the welfare of other peoples' netherbits. KILL ME NOW.

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

I'm enjoying my newfound single-ness. They buy the dinner and drinks and I can do whatever I want. The ex tried really hard to get back into my pants/heart etc tonight. I told him "Go jack off, you dumped me. Give me back my toaster and $35 for the water bill."

You know, Kevin, I'm actually enjoying being single as well. I think mostly because at this time in my life it's affording me the ability to focus on myself and what I want to accomplish rather than having to consider another person when making my decisions. That's not to say I would sneeze at the opportunity to go on dates, but as far as committing to anything on a regular basis, right now I would be the worst girlfriend in the world. It would be a very very patient man who would find me suitable at this point in my life.  There'd be many a weekend where I couldn't go do anything because I'd be studying for exams or writing research papers. I have one ex who would actually fit that bill quite well...he always valued his personal time and understood that couples don't have to be joined at the hip. Unfortunately I don't know that he's the kind of person who could maintain the "spark", if you will, if he wasn't able to see me for days on end. I mean, I don't think absence would make his heart grow fonder at all. Oh well. Unfortunately he's the one ex I'm still in love with (I've known him since we were in junior high, we liked each other for many many years, and finally dated about six years ago but a lot of personal issues tore us apart...) so that doesn't help me.

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

QUOTE: You know, Kevin, I'm actually enjoying being single as well. I think mostly because at this time in my life it's affording me the ability to focus on myself and what I want to accomplish rather than having to consider another person when making my decisions. That's not to say I would sneeze at the opportunity to go on dates, but as far as committing to anything on a regular basis, right now I would be the worst girlfriend in the world. It would be a very very patient man who would find me suitable at this point in my life.  There'd be many a weekend where I couldn't go do anything because I'd be studying for exams or writing research papers. I have one ex who would actually fit that bill quite well...he always valued his personal time and understood that couples don't have to be joined at the hip. Unfortunately I don't know that he's the kind of person who could maintain the "spark", if you will, if he wasn't able to see me for days on end. I mean, I don't think absence would make his heart grow fonder at all. Oh well. Unfortunately he's the one ex I'm still in love with (I've known him since we were in junior high, we liked each other for many many years, and finally dated about six years ago but a lot of personal issues tore us apart...) so that doesn't help me. QUOTE:Haha, Amanda! Is this Festival related? Was the coffee spiked with an aphrodisiac or something? I'm enjoying my newfound single-ness. They buy the dinner and drinks and I can do whatever I want. The ex tried really hard to get back into my pants/heart etc tonight. I told him "Go jack off, you dumped me. Give me back my toaster and $35 for the water bill." You go on with your bad self, girl.  Yeah, this was definitely fest-related. I don't know what it is about the festival...Jared and I figured it out a number of years back...the festival just makes people horny. Is it the fresh air? The abundance of similar-minded individuals? The freedom of being weird and cutting loose for just a slice of time? Dunno. All I know is...every damn year. Which sucks because there's always all this flirtation and budding romance going on at the fest, but neither Jared nor I have time to take part in it. So not fair. I tell you, whenever I finally give up my organizer spot, the next year I'm going to just have one massive group orgy at the Edgewick. On the patio. With truckers watching and everything. w00t.

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

"what happens at the fest, stays at the fest"

this is an interesting thread!

I've told you all my summer camp theory. You always get a crush on someone at summer camp, for no good reason except that they were there, attractive enough, and what you most have in common is that you were trapped together for a finite time.

Jen Lynch actually said "what happens at the fest, stays at the fest" a few times one year. Oh, lord...

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

Yeah, I've shared my fest hotel room with many a festgoer and have yet to hook up as well (either males or females...I'm universally unattractive...boo!). Then again, I don't think I'd want to hook up with a fest roomie. If it sucks or there's post-coital weirdness, you can't just kick them out the door and keep them from coming back...

I will always poke at this thread to keep it smelling fresh. I'm good like that.

My cousins keep threatening (well, they keep saying...I view it more as threatening) that they'll hook me up with someone at my cousin Juls' upcoming wedding. I love my cousins...no, really, I do. They're pretty much all cool people. But I do NOT want them providing me with any love connection attempts whatsoever. Granted they've all ended up with really great guys...but I've seen the kinds of men they had to go through to find those great guys, and I'm afraid their judgment won't be on par with what I generally expect for myself. I fear a string of stereotypical meatheaded males...the kind that talk about cars and sports a lot and don't really do much reading or listening to music other than AC/DC.  My cousin Danielle married a guy who is really someone I could have seen myself dating (no, I don't lust after him...I'm just saying)...he's handy with cars and household repairs, but also reads Ayn Rand and Dostoyevsky, listens to NPR, and enjoys a good indie flick. He also has an incredible range of taste in music that makes me jealous. AND he loves/appreciates Twin Peaks. I would adopt him if I could. He's awesomeness epitomized. I don't know what he sees in my cousin. She's the only cousin I don't really care for much. But that's another story altogether.

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

You sound like the male lead in a romantic comedy.

And dammit, beer sounds good right about now. Too bad I still have another four hours until I get home from work...

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

This thread made me realize it's my four-year anniversary of being unattached.  And the older I get, the more my minimum standards for even wanting to try getting together with someone become weirdly precise, and the less I'm willing to compromise those standards for fear of missing it if I ever meet someone who's a good fit...

I'm definitely happier single than in another so-so relationship, or even a good one that's not really going anyplace.

Cue lolcat: "MIDLIEF CRISIS - UR DOIN IT RONG"

It's funny, my male coworkers tell me I need to lower my standards because at my age, I really can't afford to be picky. Which is a crock because frankly, at my age I deserve to be picky. Is it so wrong that I require the person I date to be gainfully employed? I mean, really. A grown man in his 30's should at least have steady employment. I'm not asking for someone to be hugely successful or wealthy...just holding a regular job that puts a paycheck in his bank account on a regular basis so I don't have to worry about dating a mooch. WTF is wrong with that standard? (OK, so also desiring the guy have dark hair and dark eyes IS a bit much, but hey! A girl can dream, right?)

~ Amanda

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..."

If you have to lower your standards to be with them, then that would mean they have no standards to begin with...  and what would that say about you?

Not really. It means they're dating out of their league. But of course that's subjective. 

So many guys think they deserve Scandinavian supermodels who belong to MENSA just because they have a steady income and own a house.  A 'my assets for your assets' kind of thing. Whatever happened to chemistry? That's where standards should begin and end.

At the same time, you should never not take a stab at that person you assume is out of your league, because it might just be your insecurity talking.  I guess my point was you know if they're not doing it for you.

I spent 30 or so years looking, thinking that this was the one thing in my life I really wanted.  I figured out a few years back that the one thing that all the women I've fallen for have had in common was that they were not interested in me.  As I generally only fall for people once I have gotten to know them I've lost a couple of friends to this syndrome over the years and stained many more.  Having figured this out I decided to chuck the whole thing.

Well now I've retreated from that position.  At first I decided that my standard would be I would only get involved with someone who was mature enough and together enough to be fully present in the relationship.  Well that pretty much excludes every human I've ever met so I've revised once again and am now telling my friends that I will only actively pursue a long term relationship with someone who is taller than me (6'1") and smarter than me (pretty smart if the test results can be trusted, smart enough to know not to take another iq test in my life anyway.) Since my primary attraction is towards women (although, as the politicians are found of saying 'all options remain on the table') the first is a little more difficult, the second (in my opinion) a little less.  Age I'm a lot more flexible on, I figure half to twice (22-88) is a good rule.

In the end it's all b.s. anyway.  If the 'right' person came along all such standards go out the window.  The point of articulating to myself an effectively impossible criteria (while I have no doubt that many women who are taller and smarter than me exist the chances of them crossing my path are pretty remote) is simply a way of telling myself to stop worrying about it. Since I've done that, really gotten comfortable with it, it's amazing the interest I have seen out there, or at least thought I've seen.  I'm not sure if it's always been there and I've just never believed it was possible or that the fact that I'm really not worried about it, as opposed to all the times I've told myself that I wasn't in the past, has made me more atractive.

Much more could be said on the subject but the store is closed, cats put to bed and the home cats are crying to be let out so I'll leave it there.

best, rb

"It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." - D. Cooper

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer." - P. Atreides

"Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" - L. tzu