I just want to cuddle and spoon with my significant other.  Is that too much to ask?

Also, me and my girlfriend on the phone

"You hang up"

"No, you hang up!"

"No, you hang up!"

"Awwwwww!"

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

I don't have anything against marriage.  It just is not a goal of mine.  If it happens that is fine, but it will just happen.  I use to think about being married, but I don't really think about it much anymore.  I think a lot of that had to  do with my involvement with the church.  The church seems to really push marriage like there is something wrong with you if you are not married or wanting to be married. 

I am happy reading books, going to movies etc...  

No.  Actually it was the churches I was involved with in the late 1990's.  It was just what people would say things like we need to get some of these singles married.  They would do that in a joking way, but I think there is something to that.  I think many people get married because it seems to be the next thing to do.  It is like I am done with high school or college.  I guess I need to get married. 

I don't know.  People just seem to have this thing like they need someone else to make them complete.  And I think that is when you should not be getting married, because you will be let down.  I think love and marriage can be a great thing, but not if it is just because it is the next thing.

I'm glad that marriage is great for you.  I think for some people it is.  My parents were together for over 40 years.  They divorced and remarried each other.  My mom has been devastated since dad died last summer.  I would like to find something like that. 

The thing that gets me is that girls are told throughout their youth that prince charming will come and sweep them off their feet and save them from their dreary lives.  And then when we are older we are told that we are too picky and should lower our expectations.

I also think that there is a group of women who want a wedding as opposed to a marriage.  This is evidenced by all of the wedding shows that you see on tv now.  I don't think those bridezillas care who is standing in the tux down front.

But I applaud true love and only wish that my experience with marriage was like that.

i have nothing against marriage, even though i'm divorced. sounds cliche, but i knew i would marry my ex-wife after talking to her for 10 minutes-- even told my boss. we were together for 7 years, split up, but we are the best of friends to this day, and we split up 6 years ago.

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

 it is 100% true, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

even though i love just hanging out and shooting the shit with my wife, if it's not one of her friends' wedding, it's visiting her grandma, painting the walls (which i loathe), a trip to a farmer's market, or some other godawful thing. school+work+wife=aboooouuuut 1-2 hours of actual free time per day. it's still hard to get used to.

I didn't mean to offend anyone. [EDIT: The traditional union works for some but, statistically, not the majority. I wish all the married folk on here much happiness and success!!]

I will confess, there is one person. We both felt the urge to celebrate our love in an official capacity. I called his mother "mom." We're still in love, but both pragmatists. And cynics. We're able to talk ourselves out of it.

My eldest Aunt, over the holidays, who is unmarried, happily agreed to talk me out marriage if I ever considered it. My great-aunt married a widower when she was in her 50's, and everyone says marrying late and not having kids is the secret to her keeping her looks and positive attitude! So, no I personally feel no pressure from society or anyone else!

It sure doesn't help marriage's case that 99% of the weddings I've been to have looked like commercials for Christianity, and that's always made me sad. God has nothing to do with my love life, though Satan might!!!

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

The author was clearly not in her right mind, then or now. Getting knocked up by strangers with a buddy because their idealizations of Price Charming/Mr. Right/some other Disney bullshit were proven to be imaginary? That seems a little [fill in the blank.] Those women were children. They wanted to play dolls, not have a fulfilling life. Great, they had a reality check while playing in the park. Do they want a cookie, now? I hope their children don't grow up as delusional as their mothers.

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

Not to be a complete downer but since I've been spending every day at a "don't call it a nursing home" skilled nursing facility with my mother these days, I have let my mind drift to the not too distant future.  Musings about how I'd fare in such a situation were I an 85 year old widow.  Who'd come to bug the nursing staff on my behalf, bring me palatable food and special treats, wash my nightgowns, pay my bills and bring me my mail each day. Right, maybe a niece or nephew.  Or a healthy friend who really cares enough.  Or a son!  Hahaha, well maybe, but I'm pretty sure there's a lot of truth to the adage that a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life. 

I've gotten to know several inmates - residents - at this facility, as I did with the neighboring patients last month at the hospital.  I've done it before with my father's hospitalizations. 

So here's what always strikes me in these situations where the fit hits the senior citizen health deterioration shan --  the stark differences between the patients with offspring and spouses versus those who have a "friend" occasionally pop in with a limp bouquet of flowers.  It was almost as if you could tell which patients were going to make it out of their hospital beds and back to 'life' and those who were going to deteriorate.  Hey, you have to have some pasttime while sitting in a cardio-pulmonary ICU ward and observing the other beds was one of mine.  The family structure can be enhanced by going through these difficulties together.  I'm sure there are examples where this isn't the case but again, in general.  And that, generally speaking, is a very good thing about a long term marriage and a long term history of ups and downs.

"In sickness and in health" has real meaning but marriage is not just about a couple. It includes that wider circle of family.  For better or for worse, sometimes. Say what you will about "pieces of paper" (marriage contracts) and how easily those can be undone, I believe in general the binding quality of marriage in general makes those inevitable intermittent episodes of 'let's shuck the whole thing' less likely.  Throw in children, who both enhance and complicate a duo, and the urge to walk becomes a greater conflict.  Generally speaking.

Anyway, back to the original concept -- marriage -- and is it desirable or not?  For society as a whole? Absolutely yes.  For children?  Without a doubt.  For men and women as a whole.  90 percentile yes.  .  Not everyone is a good candidate but I think there's a good reason that the wisdom of earlier generations only allowed leaders of their societies to be culled from the married parent groups.  There are things you learn from a committed marriage and from parenthood that you cannot otherwise absorb.  A small percentage of unmarried adults within a society is tolerable and statistically insignificant probably.  When that percentage reaches middling double digits, say goodbye to civilization. 

That's what I think anyway.  There's still time for your POV to shift.  Don't 'they' say the age of confirmed bachelordom is 48?  Whaddever.  Keep an open mind, anti-marriage kids.  It may change over the years.

Susan (formerly of the mind that marriage was silly and a member of ZPG)

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

I subscribe to the theory that homosexuality is a sign of advanced evolution.  Not breeding (as much as the world has been) is the best thing for civilization, and the planet. 

Here's nice article on the evolution of marriage that says singles outweigh marrieds, and how this happened:

 http://www.nerve.com/regulars/singlelife/012/

As pregnancy is to mothering, a wedding is to a marriage.  It's just the prelude - the heavy lifting comes  afterward.  For me = two weddings, one divorce, same husband.  First one = Vegas with five counting us in attendance.  Just after midnight on 10/20/70 at the World Famous Chapel of the Bells.  Prince and Princessy?

Second time = Santa Monica courthouse with six in attendance. 

No tiaras.

Susan

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

Methinks Angel protesteth too much.  I fully expect a fancy engraved wedding invitation from you within the decade. 

Susan

     
“Half a truth is often a great lie.”

Ben Franklin

lol    

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper